August 13th 2011

Dear Helpline,

My boyfriend who was also my best friend and I broke up. He says he's very depressed and I'm afraid he'll do something stupid, like kill himself. He says his true happiness will be when we get back together, but I am not ready to go back into this relationship for many reasons. What should I do? Please help. I don't want to lose a close friend but I also don't want to be forcefully drawn into something.

BabiiLuv

Dear BabiiLuv,

You should not get into something you don’t want to get into period, and he’s being very selfish to make an attempt at robbing you of your freedom. First of all you need to take things one step at a time, this involves doing what is best for you. Do you want to start a relationship with him all over again and you’re not happy? Whenever you’re in a relationship, remember the feeling must always be mutual, it must never be one sided; if it is then it’s not love. You stated that he was your best friend before, and the two of you got into a relationship. Some people say it’s the best thing ever to be with your best friend; however others totally disagree, as they say it tends to seriously affect both of you later down the line. You need to seriously think, of what it is that you want and in doing so, you must try to be mature about it and try not to let it affect him further more. Most likely, you will want to keep your friendship with him, so you need to act and think like a friend.
Don’t distance yourself completely, it is not your duty to help him but however, as a friend, you may want to try doing just that. Although you should not distance yourself completely, you need to give him his breathing space as seeing you all the time, might bum him out even more. Don’t force him into dating either, you need to observe his reactions carefully, and do what’s best for both of you, but remember, the best thing is not getting back in a relationship, as this is not what you want. You can even speak to his friends about it and encourage them into taking him out, which most likely they will be more than happy to do and eventually he’ll find someone. If you’re the one going out with him all the time, he might get the wrong signals and if some other girl was interested in him, she will probably think you are the girlfriend, so she probably won’t make her move. Sometimes maybe to end the friendship slowly, is the best thing but remember, you don’t want to drive him to suicide. See a counselor, and talk to someone about it. Just be wise and you’ll get there.

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