February 19th 2011

Dear helpline,

I don't even know where to begin because this year my life has been one stress after a next. First my boyfriend of four years broke up with me claiming I wasn’t spending enough time with him. That hurt me so much that I started drinking, Then one of my exes I hadn’t seen in ten years popped back into my life being a bit venerable I hooked up with him but a few weeks later I learnt he had to leave the island immediately. That hurt me even more he took all I had. After he left he never called or anything, every time I remember that I break down in tears. He really hurt me because I help him out in thing not even his only family was willing to help him out in. Lastly there's this other guy who had been bothering for ever how he wanted to be with me finally when I gave him some attention he started acting like an idiot saying that he had his girl and stuff like that. All I want to do now is jus be by my self, crying and drinking. I don't want to go to!
work an when I do go it's like am angry at the whole world. I know what I’m doing is wrong but it's like I don't even have the energy to fight anymore. I know I’m the only one who can make things better for me but it's like I need some closure with them. Do you think it would be a good idea to confront them or just try moving on forgetting about them? What do you think I should do?

A.B.

Dear A.B.

Break ups take a great emotional toll on persons who have gone through it. People try to cope with their feelings of grief and anger by turning to alcohol as you have done in your situation. Becoming dependant on alcohol can make your situation worse than it already is. Alcohol will only act as a mood altering substance i.e. it will only make you feel good in the short term and allow you to forget about your problems. Turning to alcohol will not help you cope with your problems, you will be better off picking up the phone and calling a friend or family member to talk things out. Or even picking up a pen and paper and writing about you suppressed feelings.

Ways to recover from a drinking problem:
1. Admit that you have a problem; the first step to getting help is to acknowledge that. Once you do this, you can then begin to determine what you need to do next to turn your life around.
2. Take things one day at a time. Recovering from a drinking problem is not going to be "instant." It will require considerable effort and sacrifice on your part, but, with patience, you can overcome it.
3. Turn to family and friends who will support your sobriety. Too often, people who have been emotionally traumatized by break ups, alienate themselves from family members and friends.
Secondly, jumping into another relationship without proper healing time is one of the worst things you can do. By you entering that relationship with your ex it shows signs that u may suffer from codependence and have not learn to be happy being single. Until you learn how to be happy on your own you will never be happy with someone else.

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