July 02nd 2011

Dear Helpline,

I've been in love with this guy for almost 4 years now and I can't seem to get him off my mind. Actually we were a couple then we broke up; as usual guys tend to have their habits. I then met this guy I liked, everything is going well but my problem is that I’m still in love with my ex and he knows that, because we still see each other sometimes in spite of him having his girlfriend and I having a boyfriend. I really need some advice as to what I should do I don't want to continue seeing two guys.

Caught between the 2

Dear Caught between the 2,

You are only human and you have feelings but that is no excuse to carry on with this kind of behaviour, as it will affect you in the end. Whenever you get involved in multiple affairs, everything will seem perfect in the beginning but remember, everything is for a time and you will get caught. You need to sit and think of what you want. Sit and think hard. First of all you need to put yourself in the shoes of the guy you’re dating. How would you feel if he has another girl that you are not aware of? What if in truth he does have another girl you are not aware of? Will you get mad and throw a temper tantrum?

You also have more questions to ask yourself. Does this other guy (your ex-boyfriend) feel the same way you feel about him? You spoke about bad habits. Everyone has bad habits, we’re all perfectly created but imperfect by nature so these are excuses. Are you afraid of commitment? Is this what you want? Are you seriously ready for a relationship? Do you really love your ex? You ran away because he has bad habits and soon, you will find flaws with the other guy because of his “bad habits”. What about your bad habits? You seriously need to question yourself and you need to figure out what you want. If the ball was on the other side of the court, would you want him to leave you for another girl? You sometimes need to stop being selfish and do some serious questioning. There are also S.T.D.’s out there and even if you are protecting yourself remember you are never 100% safe. Also remember that same guy you’re having this affair with can sometimes be discussing you with his friends and is probably saying that he will never want a girl like you, because of what you’re doing. This is the harsh reality of the situation. Break all intimate ties you’re having with your ex and examine yourself. What it is that you really want? Also remember that if you don’t sit and think soon enough, your current boyfriend may end up finding out and you can lose both guys.

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