June 18th 2011

Dear Helpline,

I am currently dating a guy for atleast two months now and the problem I have with him is that he shows no affection for me. When we started it was perfect, we call each other 24 hours, texting each other and always leaving each other love notes. Now he doesn't do any of these things. The only thing he cares about is him self. Once he came to see me for the weekend and I caught him on the phone talking to his ex-girlfriend for over half an hour, when I confronted him he said they are just friends but I believe there's something going on because he takes forever to answer my calls, won’t even reply when I text him and the worst is that I won’t call him for the week an this will bother him. Can you please help me with my situation before I walk out the door?

Helpless

Dear Helpless,

Though it is sad to say, it is wise that you move on because apparently he is not interested anymore. We all get depressed if someone breaks up with us or if we have to break up with someone we love so much, but eventually we get over it. There are “other fishes in the sea” and as much as he is the one you want, you need to ask yourself whether the feeling is mutual. It is not a nice feeling when you love someone and they don’t love you in return, but you have to move on. Addressing the issue of him speaking to his ex girlfriend on the phone for over an hour, first of all what was the nature of the conversation? You need to ask yourself those questions and weigh the pros and cons. Some things are just not meant to be and at the moment you may be in denial. It pains you but you need to do what you have to do because you deserve better. Don’t allow one man to crush your whole world; you have a lifetime of opportunities and your whole future ahead of you. You may even think of rushing into another relationship. Take it slow because rebound relationships will affect you both and you really don’t want to hurt someone else just for your selfish reasons. It’s not all about you sometimes; you need to think of other people’s feelings. After the break up you will want to cry and listen to love songs but remember, you can’t cry all your life. Save your tears for someone who is worth crying over, someone who will hurt when you hurt, someone who thinks about you all the time and shows it in his gestures. If you break up with your current boyfriend, you don’t have to stop speaking to him all together. It could still be a “hi/hello” situation, or just casual friendship. Who knows? He might come back, some of us realize that we had a good thing when we finally lose it and never saw it coming because we constantly take the people we love for granted. However, it is not guaranteed he will come back running in your arms; sometimes it would not even make a difference to him now that you ended the relationship. Keep your chin up, there’s someone for everyone and if he’s not that someone you will find someone else eventually. Remember you don’t have to look all the time, sometimes it just comes to you. Try to occupy yourself with things you like to do and it is also advisable that you spend a lot of time with your friends and do fun activities together. It wont take all the pain away, but it helps.

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