June 25th 2011

Dear Helpline,

I am 16 years of age and I don’t get along with my mother very well. I have many problems and I can’t speak to her because of the answers that she gives me. She also thinks I am too young for dating .I have a boyfriend and have being hiding it for some time until she found out. He is 17 years and we have been together for a year and eight months now. He knows all what I have been through because he was the only one I could speak to. My mother one day saw a text that he sent me saying that he loves me. She told him to stay away from me and she gave me a good lecture, she even told me to tell him if he loves me don’t speak to me .I spoke to him about what she told me and we both cried about it. He even introduced me to his family. Everyone knows me in the family they say we are a good couple but my mother don’t know anything about him. She just judges the book by its cover and she doesn’t have any idea I still speak to my boyfriend. I love him and I don’t want to lose him. My mother thinks bad of me now and says bad things to me she thinks it would make me check myself but it just kills me inside. I don’t know what to do anymore, but I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. He is the only one that understands me and thinks good of me no matter what.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

First of all you should know that not getting along with your Mom is already an obstacle and you need to find better ways to communicate. Your mom has nothing but your best interest at heart and like most parents, she would think that a child is not ready for a relationship at 16 and should focus on school instead and that is quite true. However, at 16 you are at an age where you understand what is going on around you and like anyone else, you have feelings and you will not be oblivious to the opposite sex around you. If your mom is giving you a bit of a hard time right now, it is advisable that you speak to another adult. You can probably speak to your school counselor or an adult whom you know you can trust, will give you sound advice (and will not tell you what you want to hear). After you have spoken to the adult about the situation, try speaking to your mom about it again. You can even try speaking to your dad or your older sibling. You can let your mom know that you are even willing to try chaperoned dating and she might even loosen up. Don’t tell her everyone else is doing it so you should be allowed to do it too. You can try to bargain with her; let her know that you will start studying really hard and if you rank in the top five, at least allow you a date. Try to make sure that your grades are very good and make the extra effort to be obedient (at all times); so that when you speak to her about it and ask her to go out on a date, she might come around. If she allows you to date, do not go to the extreme, because she will find out and will stop you from dating immediately until you are older.

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