October 22nd 2011

Dear Helpline,

There is this guy that I call my boyfriend, we have been together for almost 4 years. Every time we break up he comes back for forgiveness. He tells me that he loves me and he would never break my heart but I came across his password for Facebook and there I saw the truth about him having other girls and the conversations and the conversations alone suggest what he is doing. Can you help me please? I’m tired of him lying to me.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

This relationship isn’t stable. Firstly, you mentioned that you’ve been together for almost four years and the two of you are always breaking up. Are the two of you even making progress together? Where were you before? And how far have you come now? Remember in a relationship, both individuals are supposed to be making the effort and not one. If you keep taking him back every time the second he comes and ask for forgiveness, he’s going to take advantage of you and trample all over you because he knows that you will take him back. Secondly, you need to respect someone’s privacy. As much as what he may be doing is wrong, if the shoe were on the other foot, you would not like it. Sometimes the things you see there may just be “harmless fun” for him; although it is wrong, you should respect his privacy. If you trusted him, there would be no reason for you to go on his profile in the first place. If this relationship isn’t built on trust, then what is it built on? Also remember it’s not just about physical attraction, or material things. Do you really love him? Or are you with him because of the things he has, or how he looks physically? You need to do some serious questioning; some of the things mentioned may apply or may not apply to you. Remember to be open-minded about the situation. You need to do a check up and look at how far the two of you have come in the four years you are together. Does he have a level of respect for you? Every relationship has its ups and downs, the good times and the bad times, but there are some things that are unacceptable. You need to sit and think about whether or not this is the individual you want to spend your future with.

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