November 15 2008

Importance of saying “I Love You”

Humanity is one that is filled with brick and cement walls. We are always trying not to get hurt by someone that we repeatedly hurt each other first, by a simple error and even unintentionally. We are so concerned about defending ourselves from rejection, pain, and fearful situations, that we talk ourselves out of one of the simplest and most passionate urges. We are incredibly fast to talk ourselves out of the significance of saying, “I love you.” Love, despite of whether it is for a child, a partner, a parent, a sibling, or a friend, is a risky business. When we love and allow our emotions to not only be known but expressed we risk one of three things; rejection, loss, and having to accept love back. So many of us are drifting around with such deep wounds that the work of accepting love in return is just as scary as rejection.

It would be incredible if we could just break our barricade for just one day, and be completely expressive without fear. We would have the ability to just tell people the honest truth, the role they play in our lives, the consequences they have on us, and the way we would like to see the relationship grow. Error of expression is nearly the same thing as taking someone for granted. I don’t believe anyone has died with the regret of telling someone too much how much they cared, but people die everyday with their hearts hurt from a love they never truly expressed.

It is easy to get wrapped up in our own wounds and our fears of feeling alone in the world. After all, a love that remains unexpressed is a love that nobody knows about. It is not until someone finds the courage to share their feelings that they are then blessed with the knowledge that they, too, are worthy of the love they are giving.
Everyone in our life that we truly love needs daily reminders of the fact that they are loved. After all, the world can leave such terrible dents in our lives. It’s cold out there. It’s painful out there. People are rude out there and even an unfamiliar person can sting us with our own weak fears. What keeps us going in times of fear, pain, and agony is not just the hope of love, but the awareness of love. There is no underestimating the importance of saying, “I love you.” Those three little words form, in my opinion one of the most important sentence in the world, “I love you, accept you, and how can I help you.” Love makes the world go round. The term love implies both acceptance and the willingness to place someone’s needs ahead of our own. The term love implies more than a selfish split second, but a deep understanding of who someone is, and the knowledge that they are good enough without their perfections.

Without love and acceptance, what really do we have from each other? Money, power, prestige, and fame can never buy the same feeling that your heart gets the first time the love of your life confesses their feelings. That wonderful little excitement of butterflies in the tummy is irreplaceable, and who would want to replace it? It lets you know you’re alive. While there is no suitable explanation to prevent the idea that to love someone is to risk losing someone, there is also NO suitable explanation of using that as an excuse. It is easy to hide, but this not very rewarding. Loving honestly and taking the risk that someone valuable and dear to us might not be in our lives one day is part of the risk of being bold to live fully. A heart that hasn’t been broken can’t be molded. A heart that hasn’t loved grows old. And a heart that lives in fear shrinks with every passing star.

Loving someone, and telling them often, is a gift. And not just to the recipient of your love, but to yourself as well. When you truly love someone and find the courage to express it well and express it often, you are giving more of a gift to yourself than anyone. You are claiming your right to live fully and to bask in the ambiance. You’re meant to feel pain no matter how hard you try to close off your heart. As humans, we are simply not designed that way. We are common creatures, put on this planet to take care of each other. Living alone without accepted love is just as painful, if not more so, than living with love and losing it. Never underestimate the importance of saying, “I love you.” With a deep breath and little faith, close your eyes, say the words and you can be sure when you open them again your life will be different. Like Obama said in his Presidential Speech on the 5th of November at approximately 12 o’clock, “All things are possible”.

By Cotney John